Five Guidelines For Your Christmas Playlist From An Expert


  1. Songs do not need to be "Christmas" songs exclusively. You may include songs referencing winter holidays (Nov-Dec-Jan only, please) and/or winterish weather conditions generally associated with winter holidays and especially Christmas.

  2. There can be no more than one representation of each song. Choose a winner and be able to defend your selection because I will disagree with you because you are wrong. I am an expert.
  3. No more than one song per artist (exceptions made for soloists who also perform with bands, or duets, or large-scale performances, like Band Aid). If you need more than one track from King Bing’s 1955 Merry Christmas classic I get it, but you should just listen to that album instead. Playlists are intended for variety. 
  4. No Little Drummer Boy. There are two acceptable versions (fight me) but even so, for your friends participating in the annual Little Drummer Boy Challenge it’s the gift no one wants to be road tripping to Gam-Gam's house for Christmas Eve cookies and whatnot, only to be DQ’d in the final hour because you insisted, “My car, my playlist.” Don’t Krampus my Christmas, bro.
  5. Major categories are Classics, Covers, and Newbies

  • Classics are standards written & recorded in 1970 or earlier, performed by the original artists, or considered a quintessential performance by an artist who may not have originally written/recorded the song  

  • Covers are Classics recorded from 1971 and later by someone other than the original writer/recording artist

  • Newbies are songs which are neither Classics nor Covers from 1971 and later 


Subcategories I use are Rockers, Motown, Jazz, and Subversives. These can also fit in as Classics, Covers, or Newbies, but they are important because without stylistic differences to spice up your playlist, you are probably overly repping Now That’s What I Call Christmas Music For White Americans Of The Eisenhower Era and too much mayonnaise is bad for your cholesterol. Branch out. Live a little.


For your Yuletide edification, I have shared below my current Christmas Playlist, broken out by category. No, this is not the actual play order. That knowledge is only available in the graduate seminar as it requires explanation of additional decision criteria, a few snappy-looking charts, and minor references to string theory, and therefore deserves its own blog post. Baby steps, People.


The Classics

  • Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, Judy Garland

  • Rudolph T.R-N.R., Gene Autry

  • It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas, Perry Como

  • Must Be Santa, Mitch Miller And The Gang

  • Baby It’s Cold Outside, Dean Martin

  • You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch, Thurl Ravenscroft

  • Happy Holidays, Andy Williams

  • Pretty Paper, Willie Nelson

  • Feliz Navidad, Jose Feliciano

  • Blue Christmas, Elvis

  • The Christmas Song, Mel Torme

  • Mele Kalikimaka, Bing Crosby

  • Mistletoe And Holly, Frank Sinatra

  • Sleigh Ride, Leroy Anderson


The Covers

  • Please Come Home For Christmas, Eagles

  • Oiche Chiun (Silent Night), Enya

  • Winter Wonderland, Eurythmics

  • I’ll Be Home For Christmas, Michael Buble

  • Carol of The Bells, Mannheim Steamroller

  • Jingle Bells, Barenaked Ladies

  • First Noel, Leslie Odom, Jr. 

  • Someday At Christmas, Lizzo


The Newbies

  • All I Want For Christmas Is You, Mariah Carey

  • Last Christmas, Wham!

  • Do They Know It’s Christmas, Band Aid

  • Christmas In Hollis, Run DMC

  • Happy Xmas (War Is Over), John Lennon

  • Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24, Trans-Siberian Orchestra

  • Christmas Song, Dave Matthews Band

  • I Believe In Father Christmas, Emerson Lake & Palmer

  • White Winter Hymnal, Fleet Foxes

  • Noel: Christmas Eve, 1913, John Denver

  • Glittery, Kacey Musgraves feat. Troye Sivan

  • Christmas Rappin’, Kurtis Blow

  • Underneath The Tree, Kelly Clarkson

  • Christmas Tree Farm (Old Timey Version), Taylor Swift

  • My Kind Of Present, Meghan Trainor

  • Hard Candy Christmas, Dolly Parton

  • Santa’s Polka, Brave Combo


Rockers

  • Rockin Around The Christmas Tree, Brenda Lee

  • Little Saint Nick, The Beach Boys

  • Run Rudolph Run, Chuck Berry

  • Santa Claus Is Comin To Town, Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band

  • Christmas Wrapping, The Waitresses

  • Christmas All Over Again, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers

  • 2000 Miles, The Pretenders

  • I Don’t Know What Christmas Is (But Christmastime Is Here), Old 97’s


Motown

  • Merry Christmas Baby, Otis Redding

  • I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, The Jackson 5

  • What Christmas Means To Me, Stevie Wonder

  • Christmas (Baby Please Come Home), Darlene Love

  • White Christmas, The Drifters

  • Santa Claus Go Straight To The Ghetto, James Brown

  • Frosty The Snowman, The Ronettes


Jazz

  • Linus And Lucy, Vince Guaraldi Trio

  • My Favorite Things, Tony Bennett

  • Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, Frank Sinatra & Cyndi Lauper

  • (It Must’ve Been Ol’) Santa Claus, Harry Connick, Jr.

  • ‘Zat You, Santa Claus?, Louis Armstrong

  • Children Go Where I Send You, Nina Simone


Subversives

  • Santa Baby, Eartha Kitt

  • Fairytale Of New York, The Pogues feat. Kirsty MacColl

  • Father Christmas, The Kinks

  • The Christmas Wish, The Muppets

  • Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis, Tom Waits

  • Merry Christmas From The Family, Robert Earl Keen

  • Santa Claus And His Old Lady, Cheech & Chong


Lastly, a Public Service Announcement: Earbuds, you slob! Your music tastes are different from mine and therefore inferior. Nobody wants to hear Slim Pickens Chants Highlights Of The Orthodox Christmas Vigil Mass: Live At The Hollywood Bowl while sharing a doctor’s waiting room with you.


The holidays are a marathon, not a sprint, and if you’re going Full Bing in November, you aren’t going to make it. That's what playlists are for. Pace yourselves. Stay hydrated. Eat more gingerbread.


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